From D Depths Of My Soul

Through d dark woods of life,I stumbled along,
Unaware of what fate held in store;
Unaware of d lurking dangers was I,yet
Fear of d unknown gripped my soul;
My mind,traitor dat it was,kept screaming 2 me:
"U r bt a slave in d hands of destiny!
Destined 2 b lost 4evr in d midst
Of dis un4giving gloom!"
And yet,hope still glowed inside my soul,
Giving me warmth in d cold numbness of doom,
4 I had 4 company,my 1 true friend:
My heart,which whispered back 2 me
Wid every beat-dat life had in store
4 me,surprises beyond my wildest dreamz!
Like a drowning man,clutching at straw,
I checked 4 dem at every bend,
And yet,in spite of such meticulous care,I
Could find no blossom,in d withered garden of existence!
I cursed my heart,more bitter foe it seemed
Than my mind-4 it taught me 2 hope,
As d pain of shattered hope is beyond
What a frail human soul can endure!
Bt then:
In d midst of winter,in d depths of snow,
D fragrance of blossom warmed my heart,
Truly amazed,was I ,at dis sudden change
4 d woods no longer seemed unfriendly 2 me.
Basked in d warmth of moonbeams,dey seemed
So full of life,just like d soft touch of grass kissin my feet!
I knew not,wat ws dis sudden change-
It ws of a sort never xperiencd b4!
And yet ,why did it seem so familiar 2 me-
As if I had waited 4 centuries
4 d arrival of dis untimely spring
In my step,in my soul?
The fire still burned,bright as ever,
Even engulfing my rational mind
In its all-pervading warmth.
And like 2 Ancient Man,in d early days,
Once again,d Fire had taught a lesson-
Dat 2 lose hope was d biggest crime,4
At d end of every scary tunnel,
Awaitin our arrival,there's always light.

Collecting MyThoughts

Been a long time since I last managed 2 put up a post!Not dat 'hav been short of thoughts,but they were either of 2 private a nature,or I have been simply 2 busy(or 2 lazy,watevr!).
Its been a whirlwind,really.d last 2 months that is.on one side,there ws d sudden avalanche of deadlines,on d othr,d exhilarating experience of dealing wid a whole gamut of emotions I had never handled b4.Tough,huh?It's only nw dat hav managed 2 get some sort of spare time 2 collect my thoughts a bit.and organize them. And as always,since I hav got some time 2 spare,I have started having self doubts.About a few decisions 'hav taken lately.Apparently hasty ones,bt actually well thought out.and nw am wondering whether they were a bit 2 hasty.Am I really cut out 4 this.I wonder.Or am I making 1 big mistake?Its an important question really,4 it doesnt concern only me.I like 2 think I made d correct decision,bt u knw,idle mind is d devil's workshop!So here I am,back 2 square one.
Why am I so unsure of myself,I wonder.Even regardin somethin as big as this.Just keep havin nagging doubts that somethings not right somewhere.Mayb it's stalling somewhere.Not a good sign really,so early in2 it.Should I hav waited longer?Bt at dat time,it seemed perfectly all right.And 2 tell d truth.it still seems so,quite often.Specially when I am alone with my dreamz,And they say,dreams reflect ur subconscious thoughts.I hope they do.Bt sometimes,just sometimes,I do wonder,Whether am a loner.and always meant 2 b that way.Whether am bound 2 create problems,both 4 me as well as 4 others,when I try 2 b otherwise.D thought frightens me.Really frightens me.Hope 2 God am wrong.U knw.still am unable 2 understand myself!

An Avian Experience

I once saw a little bird
In its nest,just opening its eyes,
Watching d wide & beautiful world unfurl
In front of her nascent soul.
I once saw a little bird
Poking in d corners of her little nest,
Tired of just watching,she
Wanted 2 take control of her life;
But alas!lacking d wings 2 fly
She confined herself 2 being confined
2 d realms of her tiny nest.
I once saw a little bird
Hopping about,on d ground
Picking up grubs here & there,
Watever caught her fancy,shiny pebble or stone
Was perhaps as interesting as d choicest dish!
I once saw a little bird
Trying 2 spread her wings 2 fly;
She faltered,yes;once,twice,thrice..
But finally she had taken flight,
Once again d world unfurled:
But dis time,not just beautiful & wide
But frightening,yet excitng,unknown..
No longer just a dream 2 b dreamt,
But now,a reality 2 b lived.
2 d fullest,2 d end.
I once saw a little bird...
I was once a little bird.

In Troubled Times

Red-d colour of my thoughts 2day
Red-d colour of d once lush green fields,
Red-d colour of d world at large
Which Someone had once painted blue or green.
Is dis blood which stains d streets,
Or,-is dis fire dat burns d greens?
My vision feels blurred-I really dont know
Wat 2 believe;for wat I see
Is something I don't even dare
2 try & understand,or 2 know & feel
The emotions,which arise in my heart
At d sight of such unfathomable scenes.
2 ask d reason behind such acts
Is not my intention,4 we know
Excuses r there 4 every unwanted deed.
But I do ask wat hav we achieved
Beyond a shattering of mental peace?
Losing luv,sowing d bitter seeds of hatred
Amongst hearts,which someday might hav beat as one.
Tragedy,say some;Terrorism/Fundamentalism cry d rest;
Processions come and go,demanding arrest
Trial,punishment,strikes-wat not;but none
Care 2 delve deep.Real deep,
Into d minds,or d lives of d affected few
Offenders or victims,it matters not who
4 2 understand any one,u hav 2 know d rest.
But I feel scared 2 seek so deep-4 I fear dat very knowledge which I seek
I would rather wake up at d dead of night
Drenched,panicked 4m d weight of my horrendous dreams;
And then...
Take some water,go back 2 sleep,
Believing(not really)dat all was well.

A Few Thoughts...

Just watched TZP.Wonderful film,with soulful nos,gr8 performances,blah blah..But wat am I doing here?Wasting precious(?!)time blogging 4 no reason at all?Simply wanted to pour out a few feelings somewhere.Feelings which rose last nt when my hanky had got a bit wet.Feelings which r not new 2 me,bt nevertheless felt a bit different last nt.Feelings of doing nothing in life except restricting myself to mugging up a few bks an d like.Hello,I askd myself.Why did I choose dis profession?Always believed dat I wanted to be different,not run of d mill.In fact,still do.
Jst wanted 2 get dis feeling off my chest.Feels gd 2 see it in print.Gives sort of finality 2 it.I would really lov 2 work wid dese kids.Not wat was shown of course,bt wat I had sometimes thought of.Use whatever miserly amnt of knowledge I hav,put it 2 some gd use.And make a difference.Not d way which I dreamt(no,dream sounds better)of making,bt still.Something.....

Reflections of a Troubled Soul

Putting my pen 2 paper after a long delay,I wonder
What xactly has been the matter with me,
Or my mind;-the past few days?
Concentration,which has always been
My forte-through the long struggle of school,
Seems suddenly to have left me
In the lurch-helpless,troubled.all alone....
Streching b4 me-4 miles on end
Lies my endless syllabus,and here I remain
Sitting at my table,thinking of useless things.
Am I not really normal?(whats that anyway?)I ask myself
For all my life,what xactly have I done
Perfectly,to my own satisfaction?
Trying 2 be jack-of-all-trades,and mastering none
Always proud of hearing ill-deserved praise,
Never bothering to question my heart and see
Whether they were true or not.
Believing myself to be different,always
I kept away 4m those who could have been dear 2 me-
Achieving nothing in the end
But loneliness,frustration,ticket 2 a peculiar world
Where few get 2 see the real me.
(I was proud of that 2!)
But was I wrong?I really dont know 4 sure,
Perhaps this query would always remain 4 me
An unanswered one,leaving me confused
For I know few in this world who can give
Something of an honest answer 2 me.

Someone...

Someone holds me in his power
Someone imprisons my soul,
Someone governs my minds and desires,
Someone yields control
Over my life,nay,-over what I call
My very existence
In this world.
Yet to call this mighty someone my gaoler
Would surely be the gr8est offense of all-
For he gives me the freedom of my heart's desire
Such freedom as I have never known at all
B4...he took over my life.He refreshes my mind when I need him most,
Giving me strength when all abandon me;
He keeps the fire burning in my soul
When gales have all but taken over my world
Bringing with them,a dreary cold
That threatens to numb my heart.
Where did I find such a someone,u ask?
In reply,I simply laugh at ur face;
For finding was never my strong point,u see-
So it had 2 b done 4m the other side;
When least xpected,he came into my life
Gave it a meaning byond all possible dreams.
And oh, what impudence!The world still asks
The nme of this someone special 4 me;-
I know notwhat he calls himself,4 this
Is something he doesnt confide in me.
But of course,I keep a name 4 him
Even though its not really necessary,
For soulmates never need a name.
But still,in the hope that he might come 2 u,
If u really must know who he claims 2 be
I might whisper in ur ears that he
Likes the humble name
Of......."A Pen".