Been a long time since I last managed 2 put up a post!Not dat 'hav been short of thoughts,but they were either of 2 private a nature,or I have been simply 2 busy(or 2 lazy,watevr!).
Its been a whirlwind,really.d last 2 months that is.on one side,there ws d sudden avalanche of deadlines,on d othr,d exhilarating experience of dealing wid a whole gamut of emotions I had never handled b4.Tough,huh?It's only nw dat hav managed 2 get some sort of spare time 2 collect my thoughts a bit.and organize them. And as always,since I hav got some time 2 spare,I have started having self doubts.About a few decisions 'hav taken lately.Apparently hasty ones,bt actually well thought out.and nw am wondering whether they were a bit 2 hasty.Am I really cut out 4 this.I wonder.Or am I making 1 big mistake?Its an important question really,4 it doesnt concern only me.I like 2 think I made d correct decision,bt u knw,idle mind is d devil's workshop!So here I am,back 2 square one.
Why am I so unsure of myself,I wonder.Even regardin somethin as big as this.Just keep havin nagging doubts that somethings not right somewhere.Mayb it's stalling somewhere.Not a good sign really,so early in2 it.Should I hav waited longer?Bt at dat time,it seemed perfectly all right.And 2 tell d truth.it still seems so,quite often.Specially when I am alone with my dreamz,And they say,dreams reflect ur subconscious thoughts.I hope they do.Bt sometimes,just sometimes,I do wonder,Whether am a loner.and always meant 2 b that way.Whether am bound 2 create problems,both 4 me as well as 4 others,when I try 2 b otherwise.D thought frightens me.Really frightens me.Hope 2 God am wrong.U knw.still am unable 2 understand myself!
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of course u dont understand yourself.if someone did understand himself or herself completely that person would jump off a cliff in delight..which won't be too bad, because theres no point living after u totally get what you are like..it gets boring u know..teehee..i shudder to think what will happen if i ever understood what i am like.gees..as for the doubts, throw away the "ifs" and enjoy the happiness streaming in from whatever source u r facing. be selfish..yes. be selfish, because, sometimes that's necessary..just have fun girl.
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